Running for exercise seems like the most logical thing. Most people run to get back into shape, get healthier, become their best. I run to feel.
Some days it still seems so surreal, this new reality I face. I run to remind myself I am alive. The pain in my muscles, the soreness in each step, reminds me that I’m still in existence. Every breath that becomes harder to take because of pushing my physical and mental self to its limits reminds me that I’m still human. Every so often a leak will roll down my cheek and that reminds me that I haven’t gone totally numb and I still have the ability to feel emotions. I have not become completely robotic in my day to day living.
Running is that out. A way to take all that negativity inside and let it loose. The music that plays through the earphones brings back memories of a time when I did run for exercise. When life was simpler and planned out. Running is not the same now.
I run because I no longer have my running partner with me. The man who would push me to my ultimate limits is no longer there. I run to still feel the breeze surround me and remind me that he is never very far, his love still surrounds me even though I can’t see him. I run to feel real again. That is why I run.