In every journey through life there are people who come and go. At times some of those people re-enter our lives years later. Through social media I have been able to reconnect with many people from what seems to be a lifetime before. In college I met a young woman by the name Sonali. She was always so confident and very insightful. She has been one of those people that I have been blessed to reconnect with through social media. To her, I thank for this blog entry and for being such a positive spirit to help guide me on this journey through the grief process.
Today she sent me a link to a video of Joe Biden talking about what helped him deal with his grief of losing loved ones. One line immediately stood out to me, “There is hope in purpose.” Those four simple words are so powerful. Not only to have hope but to have a purpose, a reason for being. There have been so many moments I question God and why he didn’t take me instead of Mark, why am I still here without my soulmate? So many times I would wish that I could go just so I could be there with him.
I look around at the life I’m in and see the three amazing beings that bring me purpose to keep going. Our three children. Yet, I question that they were Mark’s purpose too so why is he gone? I may never have an answer to that question but I hear Mark constantly telling me, “Babe, keep moving forward.” So I take a deep breath and keep going on. What is my purpose? What on earth is it that I’m still meant to accomplish and to do?
Mark’s 39 years on this earth were filled with so much life, love, laughter, and yes, many accomplishments. As the reverend said at his service, it was not the quantity of years lived but the quality. He taught me and so many others that having a purpose in life filled any void. It filled his heart and his soul with so much joy you couldn’t help but smile if you were near him. He didn’t get to finish all that he set out to do, but he instilled that drive and gumption in me and the children.
So when I thought of purpose, I thought of Mark. He is not truly gone. He has left a legacy so great that it seems almost immortal. Maybe my purpose is to carry on his legacy and intertwine it with my goals. Goals that have changed since his passing, yet still ones he would be so proud of. Wait, that he IS proud of. I know he is around all of us and guiding us in ways we may not be aware of. He’s probably even laughing thinking this is the only way I listen to him without arguing too much. The thought of finding what that true purpose is gives me hope. Hope is so powerful. Hope keeps us going. Hope lets us breath and wake up in the morning. Hope tells us there is something out there bigger and better than what we even know. Hope.