You don’t know me. I’ve thought about that line so many times these past few weeks. It’s true. I’m not the same person at all. I mean, we all change through time, that’s inevitable. Losing your husband at 39 years old unexpectedly changes you to your core.
I went to bed a wife and walked out of the emergency room a widow. I was still a mom, a daughter, a sister, a friend, but not the same one as before. The woman who lived on September 21, 2017, died alongside her husband on September 22, 2017. Who this new woman was to become was decided through the course of time.
In an instant I was thrown into a life of single mom. No partner to bounce ideas off of. A woman who lost her friend since 8th grade, soul mate, father of her children. My life was defined by the love and partnership we had created over time. In one moment those years of slowly changing me went flying away.
A woman who became empty, hardened, devastated, and lost walked out of that emergency room. Somewhere in this journey I had to decided how I would let this catastrophic turn in life change me, good or bad.
Three children. That was my decision. The three children who still had so much life to live made me choose good. I had to turn this negative time and find any inkling of light to pull through. Many of you have followed me in this journey and have seen the good and the bad.
As a woman I found my way as well. Through learning how to date again, I learned so much about myself. Through being single, I learned a whole lot more about myself. Today I listened to Sara Bareilles’ “She Used To Be Mine.” It’s crazy how you can listen to song a ton of times before but all of a sudden you really hear the lyrics. I mean feel each word of the song. That was me. Imperfect but tries, hard on herself, broken and won’t ask for help, messy but kind… and through it all still standing. So it really is no offense to people who knew me years ago but the reality is, you have no idea who I am now. Standing is a woman who is completely different from two years ago. The moment that changed me overnight has slowly changed me into a no BS, love and appreciate every moment we live, love like there’s no tomorrow kind of woman. Don’t get me wrong, don’t mess with me or take advantage of this outlook because there is still a woman at the base who knows how to look a storm straight in the face and say you can’t take me down.
Even when life throws those curve balls at you, hit it out of the park and get your home run. As hard as it is, don’t let life completely harden you so you stop feeling. Instead learn how to see life differently, come from a place of gratitude for even the smallest of things. Never stop believing in love because life will give you that second chance at happiness. Magic exists in our everyday life if we never stop believing. Above all, always have faith. Faith that God will see you through even the darkest of times to live a life that shows your strength and resilience. Above all, truly love and live.