Late this afternoon I went on one of my favorite hikes. I haven’t done this hike in a while so I was excited. Koko Head is a series of 1,048 steps that leads to a breathtaking view of east Oahu. Recent rains made today’s hike full of obstacles. What makes this hike so special to me is that ever since Mark passed away this hike has brought me so many moments of peace, prayer, relaxation, and realizations.
I haven’t been one to go to a physical church since Mark passed. I was so angry with God and questioned why he took him from this world. On these hikes I learned to talk to God again. I stopped with the whys and stopped being angry. In the past few months I’ve gone through more moments and situations that created more whys and of feelings of hurt, sadness, and betrayal. The whys for God came back. Last week I realized there are never any clear cut answers and in God’s time truths and purpose are revealed. This afternoon’s hike was a moment of God’s perfect timing as well.
Looking at the stairs ahead of me I knew it wouldn’t be easy. It’s been a while since I’ve done them. I said, “Well God, here we go again.” In the beginning the steps were easy and I looked up and saw the many more steps ahead of me, and then it became daunting. So I took a deep breath and started my conversation with God. It was almost like a recap of this past year. At one point I even felt THAT breeze, the one I feel carries Mark’s love and presence with it, surround me. Before I knew it, I was at the top of the stairs in time to witness a sky with every shade of blue and orange and a spectacular ray of sunlight peaking just above the horizon. It was at that moment I knew life was about to change again.
Now I am never quite sure how or what is going to happen when I get those feelings but I’ve learned to go with it. I’ve learned to trust in God’s plan. That sunset represented the end of another chapter. A chapter closed by forgiveness and healing. Then I looked up at the sky again. There was the sun and moon together in the same sky at the same moment, creating another beautiful vision. I just took a deep breath to take in the moment. I could see the sun that to me represents new starts, purpose, life, and energy and I could see the moon that represents the mystery in each of us and our deeper emotional self.
Of course another quote came to mind just then, “Live by the sun, love by the moon.” In that snapshot of time both the sun and moon were coexisting in harmony. Maybe this means my life is starting to shift into that harmonious phase. I’ve learned the power and healing that forgiveness can bring. Moving forward in life is about taking all experiences and allowing them to shape us into better versions of ourselves, even if some of those moments were less than stellar. To live by the sun I think logically, set a course with goals to achieve, make sure my children are living their best life and potential. To love by the moon I let go of my fears and let my heart guide my actions. The harmony of both existing in that moment was as if God was telling me that my mind will keep me focused but to not let the past harden my heart. Both mind and heart need to work in harmony, even if sometimes conflicted, in order to find our true purpose and happiness.
So as the evening sun set, I let go of everything! I hiked down the hill to start living a life filled with focusing on the good, focusing on the potential of what will be and knowing that happiness lies within me. Being at peace with God and life allows goodness, success, and love to follow. It’s time…